Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
