Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
