I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I could fuck to npr.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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