you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
