New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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