so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
two words: eviction party
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize