Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
