my mouth tastes like poor choices
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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