What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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