Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
