Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize