did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
