420 ftw
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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