I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
