I am in a vortex of obligation.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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