So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
