At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
