Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
