Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
