dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
