Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
