Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
