So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
