Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
