So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
