We're like a lot better than the average bears
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
