I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
