walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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