I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
