drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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