Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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