ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
