Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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