Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
