So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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