after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
