Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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