You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
