so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
