just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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