The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize