I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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