yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
