It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
