When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
