Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
