Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
