I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
