Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
