Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
