I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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