thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
