I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize