No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize