walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
