Farmville is her only friend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
