there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
