Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize