I love black thongs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize