did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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