you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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