Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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