her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
