my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
