I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
