I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
