Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
