epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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